GOLD COAST TOPGOLF, AUS – A local upper-mid-tier golfer and self-proclaimed “short game specialist” Brad Dimples is reportedly preparing to experience the rare sensation of athletic dominance at his company’s upcoming Topgolf function, where his 16 handicap will temporarily elevate him to near-Tiger Woods status among a sea of coworkers who think a sand wedge is something you order for lunch.
Dimples, who regularly slices drives into neighbouring suburbs and considers breaking 90 as “dialled in” is expected to dazzle his colleagues with feats such as making consistent contact and juggling the ball on a pitching wedge for three consecutive bounces.
“I’m not saying I’m elite,” said Dimples, while polishing his latest model Callaway driver like it was Excalibur, “but when Karen from HR is teeing off with her feet facing the wrong direction and Greg from Finance has his hands around the wrong way, I’m basically Rory McIlroy.”
Coworkers are reportedly unaware of Dimples’ impending dominance, with many still under the impression that golf is “just like Wii Sports.”
Experts predict Dimples will peak around the third round of drinks, when his swing becomes inexplicably better and just before he starts guiding Lucy from Marketing’s hips a little too eagerly.
The “Pre-event Press Conference” (which Dimples called himself and we were the only ones stupid enough to rock up to) was mainly just Dimples practicing his club twirl and debating whether to bring his rangefinder “just in case”.
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